It is absolutely no secret that couples are struggling during the Coronavirus pandemic. I have heard increased reports of marital and partnered dissatisfaction over the past few months primarily due to people having to be locked up with their significant others in quarantine. It is during times like this where you may find that you are having more arguments than ever with your partner! This is almost certainly causing anxiety and may even be casting a shadow of doubt over your entire relationship. Fortunately, I have some good news–you are not alone, AND it is totally normal to experience this type of dissatisfaction when being forced to spend so much time together. With increased togetherness comes the natural inclination to examine the relationship and all of its problems in greater detail…all while observing your significant other leave an un-rinsed dish in the sink once again. It is understandable why you may be having less than desirable feelings towards you paramour, both in and out of the bedroom. Have no fear! Below I have compiled a list of books to help you have more productive conversations about sex and about your relationship.
The first book I am recommending is by Emily Nagoski, PhD called “Come As You Are”. This book discusses in a fun, quirky, AND scientific way how we work sexually. You will explore topics such as turn ons, turn offs, positive versus negative sexual experiences, recovering from trauma, desire discrepancy, sexual physiology, and so much more. The most fascinating thing I learned from this book was about the dual control model–how some of us have a sensitive accelerator (turn ons essentially), some of us have sensitive brakes (turn offs), and some of us have a combination of the two. Being able to discuss sexuality in this way will revolutionize how you discuss sex with your intimate partners. There was recently a workbook released that you can purchase alongside this book in order to help facilitate these sometimes difficult conversations!
The next book I am going to discuss deals with the largest sex organ in the body…the brain! This book discusses how fear of abandonment and other mental health issues affect relational and sexual functioning. I like this book because it closely correlates with the schema therapy model that I use with individuals, and it also focuses on how to form secure attachments in relationships.
This next book is called “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson. I have not personally read this book yet, but it is definitely on my reading list because it focuses primarily on healing attachment wounds through relationship. It also talks about being more in tune with ours and our partners emotions in order to navigate conflict more successfully.