How To Self Love (On Valentine’s Day)

Hey, hey! I know I am a day late, but better late than never to talk about being single on Valentine’s Day! After all, people celebrate this holiday sometimes the week after the official Valentine’s “date” in order to get a reservation for a massage or fancy dinner. As a single person, you can celebrate this holiday, too. Valentine’s Day is about love, and YOU are the most important person that you can love. You read that right. By loving yourself, it better equips you to love others.

I remember my last single Valentine’s Day, because it was the one that I realized that I was worth investing in. I got my first tattoo that day, a symbol representing the importance of self-love. I also spent that day with a friend and treated myself to a nice dinner with cheesecake for dessert. This Valentine’s Day was important for me, because in the past I’d given too much to my partners in past dating relationships. This Valentine’s Day taught me to put myself first. I met my now husband a few months later, and I think we might have missed each other if it weren’t for this important mental shift that I made. Here are some tips for how to love yourself, not just on Valentine’s Day, but on other days as well.

1. Treat yourself to a nice dinner. You don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day to do this. I know many singles who are terrified to eat by themselves out in public, but it can actually be very liberating. It also enables you to seem more approachable, and who knows, perhaps you will meet someone the old fashioned way of them approaching you… and them being totally not creepy (because for some reason, meeting someone in public and asking for their number is creepy nowadays with the dawn of online dating being the norm). Don’t get me wrong, there are creepy people out there, but someone approaching you to say hi doesn’t automatically put them in that camp. And if nothing else, even better, you get to enjoy that dang cheesecake!
2. Make a journal entry…or seven. Time to dust off that old writing journal from college or high school. Journaling not only helps you track moods such as depression and anxiety, it can help reduce symptoms as well. Journaling can also help you get in touch with what is important to you in the moment. It can be a good place to vent. Start by making a list of journal prompts such as “5 Goals I Want to Accomplish This Year”, “How I Am Feeling Right Now”, “Dating Mistakes of the Past”, or “What I Have Liked About Past Partners”. These types of entries can help you take stock of your life, something that is very important to do before committing your life to someone (if that is your eventual goal).
3. Make that appointment you have been putting off. Go to the hair salon. Get that tattoo! Get your nails done (yes, men can love mani/pedis as well)! By taking care of your grooming needs, you are signaling to your brain that YOU are important.
4. Send some love to the other important people in your life. Yes, this is an act of self-care, because we need community. We are built for it. Invest in people whom you have no romantic interest in at all. Invite another single person over, or have a video chat if that helps you feel more comfortable during pandemic times.
5. Check out moore-vulnerability-counseling.teachable.com . There are several e-courses that you can take to help promote self-awareness and relationship growth. Check out my mini courses that can help you learn your MBTI or Enneagram, or take stock of your past dating patterns with the Past Dating Patterns Assessment. Learn to have difficult conversations about sexuality, family, boundaries, and more! This e-course will prepare you for dating ahead of time. When you are ready, you will be a pro.

The New Romantics: Dating 101 E-Course

http://moore-vulnerability-counseling.teachable.com/p/the-new-romantics-dating-101

An E-Course to Seriously Help Up Your Dating Game

Hello peeps! I have some exciting news about a new e-course that I have developed over the past several months. I am getting ready to release The New Romantics: Dating 101 this weekend. If you are unsure if this course is for you, take the following quiz to find out.

Is “The New Romantics” For Me?: A Quiz

1. I have struggled with dating in the past, and I am scared of getting hurt again.
   True
   False

2. I am not sure what qualities I need to look for in order to date partners with long-term potential.
True
False

3. I am still exploring aspects of my sexuality, which makes it hard to find and/or commit to partners who will suit me.
True
False

4. I don’t feel like I know who I am, let alone what to look for in a romantic partner.
True
False

5. I seem to keep being the most attracted to people who end up abandoning me or hurting me in some way.
True
False

6. I am thinking about marrying my current partner, but I am having some doubts.
True
False

7. I am married, but I feel as if my partner and I are not communicating well.
True
False

8. There are topics that I do not feel that I can discuss with my partner without help.
True
False

9. I have no idea how to meet people using social media, dating apps, Skype dates, etc. I am clueless when it comes to technology.
True
False

10. I want to know what dating sites will attract the kind of partnership I am seeking.
True
False

11. I struggle with social anxiety, and it can be hard for me to meet potential matches in-person.
True
False

12. I struggle with being too passive, or with being too aggressive with others. This has led to relationship problems.
True
False

13. I am interested in learning about MBTI, The Enneagram, or other assessments to learn about myself and potential matches.
True
False

14. I have low self-esteem and this prevents me from putting myself out there to date.
True
False

15. I have almost no dating experience to speak of, but would love to get started. I am just unsure of how.
True
False

Should you purchase this e-course? Results:
–Between 8-15 “True” Responses: YES! This e-course would be perfect for you. You can learn to be more assertive, communicate about getting your needs met, discuss difficult topics with your dates with ease, and have better dating experiences that lead to long term partnerships.
–Between 3-8 “True” Responses: A Definite Maybe. Perhaps you would like to wait until you are in a dating relationship to make this purchase. Subscribe to this blog and keep watching for promos in order to get a better idea of what this e-course can offer you.
-Less than 3 “True” Responses: Probably not the best course for you. Keep watching for promos and announcements about mini courses that will be available for purchase in mid to late 2021.

If you are still unsure, check out my e-course page to preview this course: http://moore-vulnerability-counseling.teachable.com/p/the-new-romantics-dating-101

Social Anxiety in the Age of Corona

Social anxiety is THE most diagnosed form of anxiety. Before the pandemic, this was probably one of the more common issues I treated in therapy. However, post-Corona social anxiety is especially cruel. It causes your social anxiety to feed on itself, because avoidance of what you fear creates more anxiety. Guess what we are not supposed to be doing right now? Socializing! Unfortunately corona gives those with social anxiety a new (very real) reason to avoid social contact and thus, the anxiety grows. Here are some common ways that you might be struggling with Corona-Social-Anxiety and what to do about it.

• You might be afraid to go on dates. Most people have a level of normal anxiety about dating, but due to our current pandemic situation, this anxiety is amplified. You are forced to start online dating profiles when you would rather meet potential partners in person. Not only that, but it can be challenging to find something to talk about in the initial stages of dating when you don’t have much going on in your life. You and potential partners must decide very quickly if you see the relationship being serious in order to determine if risking exposure to the virus via meeting up in person is worth it. What to do: while difficult experiences such as being ghosted are now probably more common, you also are less likely to waste time on someone who wasn’t ready for a commitment. You are able to sift through the “frogs” much faster in order to find your prince. The risk of contracting STDs is also much lower, as the trend is that people are holding off longer on having the initial in-person meeting in favor of getting to know one another online. When the physical aspect of the relationship comes into play, you’re more likely to have already built a great deal of trust with your partner than you would if you had just met at a bar and had a hookup.

• It might be more nerve wrecking to find a new career. Forget pre-interview jitters. Most people with social anxiety struggle with fears of finding the “right thing” to say. This anxiety is amplified if you are trying to stand out among other candidates vying for the same position due to much of the country experiencing lay-offs due to the pandemic. Many are being furloughed. Many people are stuck sitting at home with a bunch of time on their hands. While financial concerns are very real, there is help if you seek it out. What to do: Use this time. Take time to reflect on yourself: are you meeting your full potential? Is there something you have always wanted to do, but have put it off because of a lack of time? Take the RIASEC test (free version online) to determine if you are in a career field that suits you. Never before have you been given the freedom to reflect and take stock of your life. Think of this time as a training ground for the next stage of your life: the BETTER stage. You may never get this opportunity again. Use it.

• You might find your social skills are a little rusty. If you don’t use it, you lose it. Staying in isolation can wreak havoc on even the social skills of an extrovert. You may find that you are at a loss for words during your online meeting. You may stammer more when talking to someone on the phone. This point will especially apply if you have had to go through this pandemic alone. You may be tempted to avoid socially distanced meetups with friends. It might become easier to just not reach out, but this just feeds social anxiety. What to do: depending on your social needs, make sure to have at least weekly social contact, whether that be on the phone, through a zoom chat, or a safe and socially distanced meetup with friends. Keep your social skills fresh. If hanging out in person for a long period of time feels like too much, start smaller and build. Remember: avoidance of what you fear breeds more fear.